1. |
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|
My fear of life has kept me from living
My fear of death she whispers
“Always unforgiving”
Tied to this place
Like it’s the only solid ground that I know
But the first step off the ledge
Is the first step that I have to go
I let my foot fall flat
I let it bathe in the dark
I’ve let this feeling warm me in it’s comfortable arms
I’ve let this feeling lull me to sleep without ever closing my eyes
And I instructed it to compartmentalize this from my life
And yet I still sit in this cage waiting for the key to be delivered to me
But the door was never closed
And the lock was only a figment available to me
Maybe the key it never existed
Maybe I’m all I’ll ever see
But I can’t believe that this is it
That I watched the life that I loved pass
And out of comfort I couldn’t say shit
Maybe I felt unfit for a life so easy
And maybe I just felt more comfortable in my unseen corner
All alone like I always wanted
All alone and no one’s watching
All alone I stand in awe of The Great Unknown
Bewildered by its brilliance and infinite complexion
I walk ahead, arms raised welcoming it’s inner sense of direction
I’m cut off from making any objection
Stuck in my finite loop of always missing perfection
I was raised in a house built on insurrection
But I was born to inevitably give way to defection
We’ve all felt this ringing through our ears
Like someone standing beside us when only we’re here
This feeling in your chest never lies
It wants us to accept that none of us will ever make it out alive
I’ve crossed the line of return
When looking back I can already see the lines blur
I’m lost inside this space
Forgotten the meaning of time
I’ve seen the Devil and God’s face
And how it seemed to resemble mine
I’m alone inside time
Feeling each and every thought unwind
Feeling as insignificant as a photo to the blind
And it takes time but I will remind myself that I am aligned on these tracks before me
I am nothing to no one
The son of none
I am everything but holy…
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2. |
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|
Will this road ever end
Can I survive or keep a friend
Control was nothing that I found
One foot deeper I sink in the ground
I wear my fear like a badge on my chest
Anxiety rage inside my head
Is this the way that I have to stay
Is there a choice to anything
Is time a perpetual line
Is it a waste to look for what I know I can’t find
I’ve overstayed my welcome
And I fear it’s too late
My fear is my everything
So peculiarly ornate
I found a few but lost the rest
My friends I loved, they’re now a guest
Of my home that’s built and repressed
I’m feeling everything
Slipping to obsessed
And I hoped to leave this with my adolescent mind
But it’s something that’s developed and progressed with time
I’m positive, yet a downer
When I can sleep, never sleeping sounder
I’m confounded, unbound by the mass and his clown
Perpetually staying down
Unabated yet I can’t stand my ground
I feel like I can feel meaning emanating from all around
Let this meaning reign, let it resound
For it’s only a minute until that feeling can’t be found
I’m slipping
|
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3. |
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4. |
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|
And I call
But I don’t care
I don’t see you anywhere
And I call but I don’t care
I don’t care
We’ve been here before
I can see the lines in the rug
And pull up the cracked mud
That’s stood with us
I was never what you asked for
The sooner you admit it
The sooner we’ll find that our lives
Are better without each other in them
And I know it’s a terrible thing to realize
But you’ve never understood me and my life
You never let me discover it’s true depth
I think I’m just realizing that holding on
Will never bring joy
That things can never go back
That we can never be the same people
No matter how hard you look into my eyes
And try to find that young, lost boy
You know exactly where he lies
He’s stiff, cold, and he’s terrified
He’ll remain on your path that you set to destroy
He’s outnumbered and he’s buried alive
If I didn’t know any better
I’d say “You enjoyed watching him die”
Die
Watching him die
I can’t stop the clock
A deafening countdown
A metronome pacing
The steps on my final walk
This is it
The time has come
Control is lost
Or maybe it was never won
I am the sum
Of a thousand dead, lonely, or numb
But I breathe to the sound of my only drum
That beats through the day
It’s all my dreams have become
It’s warped my perceptions
Left me dazed, wounded, and dumb
I am everything but what I dreamed I’d one day become
Can you hear the noise in here?
It’s like I’m made up of fear
Can you hear the noise in here?
Do you hear?
|
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5. |
HAUNT
04:01
|
|||
|
I felt you
Watching over me
I’ll see you in time
That’s a guarantee
But I’m still scared
Of coming face-to-face
With where I’ll be
I’ll haunt this place
Like I’m bound and tethered
Motivation weathered
I stand here in place
Yet expect this change
Anxiety prone
Fear of forever being alone
I’m a walking paradox
And a toxic man who just talks
And I didn’t answer when I heard her knock
I heard her call to me
And I felt the weight of her foot as she walked
Her heartbeat inside my head
The way her eyes moved through me
A presence not quite alive,
Not quite dead
Her voice lingers here
Echoing through the halls
It permeates through the air
And it covers the walls
It leaves me weightless and sick
I’m nothing and to that I shall return
Broken breeds broken
I don’t think there are enough chances in the world for me to learn
I’m shouting but for how long
Screaming for only the air hear
I hear my pulse radiate through my ears
And I’ll never quite be alive
Because I’m made up of fear
I’ve let it decide how to live my life
I made my enemies a bed here
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September Stories Cincinnati, Ohio
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